In the wake of recent attention being paid by the media to gay teen suicides and bullying, columnist Dan Savage launched a YouTube channel to host inspirational videos made by older gay men to kids who are in school and just coming to terms with their sexuality, having to deal with being different. I think it's a great idea and strongly encourage readers of this blog to make their own videos.
When I was growing up, I was never really bullied, but I was very deep in the closet. It was really lonely being a teenager and knowing I was into guys and having no one to talk to about it. It feels really hopeless and you can't imagine things ever getting better. This was a part of my life that was happening only six or seven years ago, and I would never have been able to imagine the things I've done since then, the amazing people I've met, places I've been, parties, what it feels like to be completely open with people about your sexuality, or even having a blog like this.
The reason why I'm not making a video myself is that, to a degree, I still identify with the intended audience. I'm still young, there's a lot that I'm still figuring out myself. Even though I was mostly out when I was at college, I've had to go back into the closet somewhat since graduating and living and working in the suburbs. I'm still growing up, and I'm still exploring different communities. I think I naturally gravitate towards older guys because they remind me that things are going to get better over time. Everyone needs a positive role model, and for gay kids it's much harder to find them - especially if you're in the closet and under eighteen. That's why this project is so important.
As an example for you to follow, I'm posting this video by Dart, who has an amazing blog and podcast series about leather and BDSM at his blog, Dart's Domain. When I was a teenager in high school, feeling alone and scared about liking men and knowing I was into kink, this is exactly what I wish I could have heard.
2 hours ago
3 comments:
Things will get better. I can tell you that. Hopefully, you will figure things out for yourself. And you know, you have folks here if you need us.
If you think it's hard dealing with being gay now you can't believe how very difficult it was back in the 60's. Imagine no internet or means of communicating with anyone else about being gay. All I recall are the personal adds in the Village Voice and gay porn mags but that was it.
What surprises me about this tragedy is I thought this generation was much more accepting towards being gay. Maybe things haven't changed as much as I had hoped. Thanks for the YouTube link this is a great idea.
I was very lucky - I grew up in a small coastal town in South-East England. I was a teenager in the 1960s, "homosexual acts" were still punishable by a prison term, until the law was changed in 1967 - but even then, homosexual liasons were only legal between TWO "consenting adults" in private. And that meant two men over the age of 21 (Lesbian sex had never been criminalised, in the way gay male sex had been, under Queen Victoria's rule because she famously couldn't believe two women could enjoy sexual congress together). But nonetheless I was OK - because my best friend at school was also gay, and we had each other for support - although not romance or sex, funnily enough; we were quite competitive about the boys we did pursue. And the UK was hugely different to the US in terms of gender anxiety, and there was not once - in the 1960s -any homophobic bullying at my school, or in my town; it was as if being gay were a social novelty and of curious interest to str8 boys. By the time I was 18, I was out, but it has remained a constant challenge, daily, to be out at all times. What made being out easier, and a full-time necessity, was meeting my husband in 1988 - we are still together in a loyal and loving relationship and were legally partnered in the UK three years ago. he is American, but now enjoys immigration rights into the UK as my spouse. So the UK has come a long way, whereas the US (where I've lived with my husband for 22 years) is such a huge, unwieldy country it sometimes seems progress is painfully slow. But for gay individuals, it does and will get better, and falling in love is not a possibility - it's a very real probability.
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