Blogging is Hard

I've been thinking a lot about blogging lately, but haven't actually been doing very much of it. It's been a few months since I really stopped paying attention to my Sitemeter. I used to watch that shit obsessively, especially when I was making ad money. There's a kind of peace that comes with not caring though. In the beginning, when this thing started getting readers, it became kind of a popularity contest. You get into watching the hit counter go up and doing what you can to try to increase it.

But lately I've been thinking back to those days when it was a smaller blog and getting all nostalgic. I've been thinking about how there are some drawbacks to having a bigger blog that gets over 1000 views a day. I've developed a kind of paranoia because I can never be sure now if, when I hook up with a guy, if he's a reader. Consequently, I've developed a policy of not writing about sex and hook ups, even though a lot of readers have asked me to write more about that. This may sound like overreacting, but I get messages from people all the time on gay websites, even on Grindr (!), from people who say they're readers. And I love that. It's awesome being reminded that there are people out there reading this stuff. In fact, one of the things that's turned me off blogging lately is that I've felt like I don't hear from enough readers anymore. I want more interaction. I think thats something that went away when I got heavy on the porn posts, but you do the porn because it keeps the numbers going up and, sometimes, you get some money out of it.

In a way I'm kind of glad that the audience has shrunk because, I rationalize to myself, the people who stay with it and keep coming back are the ones who are actually interested in the things I am, in what I have to say, and who like hearing the crazy rants of some mean fake-twink with leather and kink tastes and aren't just there for the porn, which you can see on just about any of the blogs that are out there. The bigger this shit got, the more porn I put up, the less comfortable I feel writing about myself. Plus I HATE the title, and always have, and it was chosen mockingly to make fun of a friend's site. But then this site got readers and I was stuck with it. That should be a lesson to novice bloggers, pick a title you're satisfied with because you're gonna be stuck with it. But this is all making me think that I might be making some drastic changes pretty soon...