MDW BLOG

Someone on Craigslist put up an open letter to John Gechter (aka Vincent DeSalvo), that kid who got kicked out of his Christian college for doing some sets with Randy Blue, since he's moving to New York. Seeing as I myself am a 21 year old kid with some fans on the internet who's gonna be looking for any work I can get, I'm pretty sure most of this could apply to me (...and has in the past!)

• Don’t move to Chelsea. You’ll end up plucking your eyebrows.

• The folks in Williamsburg will resent you for being employed, even if it’s as a porn star.

• The kids in Hells Kitchen will want you because you’re masculine.

• The men in the East Village will want you because you’re boyish.

• The Latin studs in Washington Heights will want you because you’re a bottom.

• The butchest ones will want you because they’ll think you’re a top.

• Some math: twenty-one yo online = eighteen or younger in real life, twenty-four = twenty-four, twenty-nine = thirty-five, thirty-five = forty-seven.

• Don’t sleep with actors, directors, bartenders or your neighbors. You’ll regret it, they’re all psychos.

• Have sex with at least three hot, interesting people your first week. They’ll be your closest friends for the summer. After that, they'll cut you off because their boyfriends are jealous.

• Learn to play pool and don’t shave your chest.

• The Lower East Side coke dens are great places to meet broke coke addicts.

• Fashion parties are great places to meet borderline pedophiles who will offer you work that never materializes.

• Dive bars are great places to meet alcoholics who want to be writers and smell like beer in the morning.

• Become a casual smoker. It gives you an excuse to take someone outside a bar or club and see them in the streetlight well enough to decide whether you really want to sleep with them.

• If someone invites you to stay at their house in Fire Island (and surely they will), you’re no longer obligated to put out. Those are the old rules. Just wear a Speedo at all times. This will entitle you to do all their drugs and leave wet towels on the floor.

• Dog ownership and alcoholism don’t mix.

• Boyfriends are sluts.

• Careers and boyfriends don’t mix.

• Somehow boyfriends, promiscuity, dogs, alcoholism, fashion, Latins and employment do mix well together. All that polarity crosses itself out and shit.

Craigslist
via Gawker
Picture from spunked.eu