Choosing

After a few years of fucking around, never settling down with anyone, gaining friends but never "boyfriends," and being satisfied with this - is it inevitable that a man will stumble into someone who will trick them into being in a relationship? Is that where it all ends?

Is it selfish to see entering a relationship as a way of giving up my freedom and ability to express myself? Or just pathological? Maybe egotistical is the right word, for feeling that the person has more to gain than I for being in a relationship with me.

I've come to be in a situation where a man who I assumed was just going to be a fuck buddy or a friend seems to be trying to develop a real relationship, and the problem is this: if I had to be in a relationship with someone, I'd rather it be with another man I've known for much longer and who's become a good friend, or, I'd rather it be with someone younger (mid-20's) who I haven't met yet and fulfills all of my physical requirements as well as being intellectual compatible (this person is probably the reason I'm not already in a relationship with the friend).

The problem is what to do now. It usually satisfies some twisted, chaos-worshiping part of me to treat these situations as if they're complex - as if all emotions and motives must be carefully weighed against each other and balanced. But maybe, for once, I should take the words of a certain infamous conservative to heart. "...Perhaps there is a simple answer--not an easy answer--but simple." I should step back, and take a look at what these two men really mean to me, make a decision, and stand by it. It's a simple answer after all...